Failing this game is a privilege

As a child I gave it 3 attempts. A first try. Another. If by the third I didn’t have the hang of it, whatever ‘it’ was, I had let it go and moved onto something that played to my strengths. Needless to say failure and I weren’t especially well acquainted. I either rocked at something, or I never really tried.

I was raised on a diet of “you can be anything you want to be” and “you are good at anything you try your hand at”. Because I vetted what I turned my hand to, it became a self fulfilling prophecy. Now in adulthood things are far more complicated.

Full time stay at home Mum and full time entrepreneur is not something I will get the hang of any time soon. It comes to 5pm any given day and I feel any combination of thwarted, overwhelmed, frazzled, maniacal, homicidal, or frustrated. On a good day, I’m aware that this is a perfectly acceptable combination of emotions.

I have finally found something I’m ok failing at. Again. And again. And again.

No one has cracked this nut. If there was a formula for combining a fulfilling entrepreneurial career and single parenthood its creator would be swimming Scrudge McDuck style in diamonds. I know I would happily contribute a few carats for the know-how.

Failing at this game is a privilege. To walk away from this because it is ‘impossible’ to succeed at would be the greater failure. I know I can do meaningful work, and hold a loving impactful role in the lives of my children. I can lean in to my career and lean back into my motherhood and not be torn in two. The opposing forces should root me stedfast in the centre, right? For a fleeting moment at some point..?

 

 

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